Mira los Chicos Malos

I was biking up my street tonight to get a box of popcorn. It was midnight, and the street was empty. Then two guys in white wife-beaters walked onto the street in front of me. At first I thought they were crossing, then I realized they were steering toward me. They lead guy was unsteady on his feet, and he had a weird, wild look in his eyes. He and his pal approached fast, like a couple of drunken Dominican guided missiles. I'm fast, World, and I'm wily. A tough target to hit. So I quickly weaved my bike left, over a piece of lumber lying on the street (where the heck did... Lumber?), and then made a quick right to avoid the second guy. Both were hispanics, with those queer manicured hairlines that are in style. Both lost balance trying to grab me, and each one tripped over the lumber in the road and fell. As I cleared them, I noticed a third man on the sidewalk, a white dude. Instead of lunging for me, he started laughing at his buddies lying on street. The funniest part of this very surreal moment was my reaction. As I was pedaling furiously, I said, in a conversational voice, "Easy, dudes."