I am not a Crackhead. I'm Futbol Fan.

I restored my cable service this morning. And you're thinking, "How very unheroic, Mikey. More disaster television and tween reality while your tiny tower of underachievement topples." Actually, World, this time it's different. This time my cable subscription is a global statement. The World Cup is here, the matches start soon, and I ain't no filthy isolationist. I'm a global Doer, I'm a child of open borders and Airhitch. I root for poor countries and poor people and all their minor achievements. Hell, I am a poor person of minor achievement. Some say the British invented soccer and the Brazilians perfected it. Here's my amendment: the Americans broadcast it on four different cable channels. So here I am, World, doing my part. Now please leave me be.