Look Out, Bubba: Here Comes The New Me.

How's this for a friggin blog entry: I canceled my cable today. Yesterday I was writing a story for Poker Life magazine...

That's right. I said Poker Life. You got a problem with that?

.. Anyway, I was trying to write a story for Poker Life when I found myself unable to think of a synonym for the word "threatening". I sat and pondered this for some time. I turned the word over in my mind, I cogitated.

Then, suddenly, before I knew it really, I was prone on the couch, the dark wood shades drawn, the TV flipping between Discovery Channel's "Deadliest Catch" and the new "Laguna Beach" sequel, "The Hills". I was at ease, the contour of my fat ass blending with the lumpy couch. Now there's that reassuring crick in my neck, the one I get when I turn my head slightly to starboard - that's the best angle toward the TV. That's it. Yes, that's it... right there. Now I'm placing my thumb on that "last channel" button, the one with the aureole of dirt smudged around it. I press and press late into the night, ignoring the vibrating phone and my next-door neighbors' marital spat (her credit card bill irks him; he's a screamer). An opportunistic mouse scratches at a pasta box in the cupboard (R.i.p. Kimchee). I don't care. I'm at peace, watching a crab fisherman weep over a dead shipmate, swept overboard into the frigid water of the Bering Sea. I am no longer worrying over bothersome matters such as whether "apocalyptic" is a good synonym for "threatening". I have cable TV.

Or I did. It's gone now, and I'm on fire. A creative explosion of titanic proportions (maybe that's the wrong word). Baneful. That's a good synonym for "threatening". See how easy it is without cable TV? I feel better already.