I love you, Ellen MacArthur!

Do you know Ellen MacArthur? She is the most famous sailor in the world. She is very small of stature, but has a thick trunk and great big forearms and paws that give her the aspect of an elegant jackhammer, swaddled in Henri Lloyd. She was the star of the 04 Vendee, and will be the star of this year's TJV. She is a veritable vacuum cleaner of corporate sponsorship. I envy and loathe her so much that she now makes appearances in most of my most recent dreams. (When I say 'dreams', I mean edgy anxiety nightmares, which are what I now have. In last night's edition, Paul and I deployed an emergency sea parachute in the Biscay, and it kept lifting out of the water and catching the gale force winds. Ellen, meanwhile, cackled in the background. She is in New York City right now - where I live - waiting for the right weather to blow her and her obscenely fast B&Q trimaran to break Joyon's Transatlantic record. She may be sweet and successful and popular with Richies and the Rest of the World, and she may have never done anything to slight me in the least, but I loathe Ellen MacArthur.

Servane Escoffier is another TJV competitor (as are, apparently, most of her family). She is co-skippering a Class 2 Multihull, and I have no loathing for her, despite her being French. In fact, I think she's sort of cute, and am considering asking her out on a date before the race. Keep your enemies closer...