TLS Weekly Stolen Book Review: "The Birthday Party," by Stanley Alpert

Imagine this: The Long Shot regularly reads the book reviews of carnivorous, pepper-tongued Michiko Kakutani. Today's entry is the work of Michiko's more subdued colleague, William Grimes, who suckles "The Birthday Party," a memoir by assistant federal attorney Stanley Alpert. The book begins on Mr. Alpert's 38th birthday, during which he is plucked from a Greenwich Village sidewalk by three young black thugs driving a Lexus. The kidnappers plan on forcing Alpert to drain his checking account, but when they discover he has $110,000 in a savings account, they bring him back to his apartment (accompanied by three prostitutes - yes...), tie him up, and wait until the bank opens the next day.

Rotate street abduction into compendium of NYC paranoia (train crumple, germ release, airplane crash, edifice collapse, sewage eruption, rat bite, roach in ear canal, home entry, gas fire, careering FreshDirect truck, rampaging cop, spitting bum). Grimes loves "The Birthday Party", bless his heart, and he gives us a peppery [ref., Michikotian] glimpse at what (presumably) makes it so fucking great:

"There are many tense moments. Sen, without warning, begins raving, screaming out sick, violent fantasies of murder and mayhem. “I remained frozen in sheer terror, silent and unflinching, hoping he would not act,” Mr. Alpert writes. Gradually, he realizes that Sen is singing along to a Busta Rhymes rap on the radio."